Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts

Friday, July 18, 2008

Laguna, Family le Norreys, and Monsoon Season BUT in the Reverse Order

Monsoon Season

The single clouds are beginning to consolidate in the sky making them one very dark cloud. First, they gather around the mountains. In the morning, they start as a few fluffy white clouds hanging right above the Sandia, Jemez, Ortiz and Sangre de Cristo Mountains. The sky can be blue as far as you can see. That is until your eyes move to those mountains where the clouds are sitting like a magnetic force pulling all the moisture toward them. For much of the summer, this means there will be an afternoon shower in the mountains.

Usually, late in the summer, the clouds are more numerous, and might build up more and more each afternoon, until it finally rains. This is the monsoon season in the high desert. Growing up in Santa Fe, we would have rain in the afternoon, but Santa Fe lies at the foot of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. The Sangre de Cristo Mountains almost always make their own weather, and rain in the afternoon is very typical.

Sandia
Sandia Mountains

I’ve lived my adult life in Albuquerque, and unlike Santa Fe, the afternoon showers or floods don’t come in calmly. In Albuquerque, afternoon rains, showers, floods or maybe no rain at all, has a very different personality. It means winds that slam your doors shut, and knock weak branches off of tree. It means loud rumbling thunder and giant bolts of lighting. Sometimes you can feel the electricity in the air. Sometime the air is so humid I feel oppressed by all the moisture that just won’t quite form into rain. I’ve seen some spectacular lighting storms while living in Albuquerque, and as much as I love the dry New Mexico climate, I enjoy monsoon season even more.

Now the question is, is it or is it not going to rain? Outside, everything in the sky will look like it is the perfect conditions to rain, and yet, within a short time, they sky is clear again, and no rain. There have been times when we in one part of the valley get no rain at all, while another part is flooding. I’ve had rain in the front yard, while isn’t a drop in the back. My favorite is a storm while the sun is shinning. The rain is ever so clear, almost sparkling, when the sun sits in the bright western sky and the heavy clouds above can’t hold a single drop more and they burst.

Santo Domingo
Santo Domingo, in sometime about 1920

Laguna

Laguna is the “youngins” of the Pueblo’s here in New Mexico. They created their pueblo in 1599. People from Santo Domingo moved away from the Río Grandé Valley after the Pueblo Revolt because they knew the Spanish would be back, and they wanted to be away from them. I’ve always found the people of Santo Domingo to be very attractive people. I also have known some extremely attractive Laguna people, both in body and spirit. I’ve often pondered whether some of the folks from Santa Domingo decided to take their beautiful daughters out of the reach of the lusty soon to return Spanish, especially since many of them were Spanish soldiers without wives.

Laguna N.M.
Laguna, NM, possibly in the 1920s

Laguna is also the name I’ve given to my newest kitten. Laguna is so pretty. She walks across the room with such poise and presence. She must have an old soul. At the ripe age of eight weeks old, she is so calm and centered she seems almost constantly in a meditative state, even when Pokie is smothering her while wrestling with her or one of us people pick her up while she would much rather be down on the ground. Plus she has the fluffiest tail and fluff coming out of her ears and those white socks on her back feet! All our other Pueblo cats have been named after the Northern New Mexican Pueblos my husband and I grew up near, but Laguna is one of those beautiful girls that are being hidden in Western New Mexico.

Laguna could be the poster girl for pound kitties. All my other cats found me and basically moved in. I saw Laguna on the lost and adoptable web site for the Albuquerque Animal Shelters, whoppps, they call it the Animal Care Center these days. Laguna was a pound kitten, and they held her and gave her love until I adopted her. I have to give the people of the ABQ Animal Care Center kudos for how they cared for my kitty before she was my kitty.

poster girl for pound kitties
Poster Girl for Pound Kitties

Laguna and Pojaoque immediately became best friends. I’ll catch them sleeping in the same position one next to the other, and Pojaoque’s will have his paw resting on her back. If one is in any given place, I know the other will be right behind. Pojaoque is the gawky teen-age brother, with the poised little sister. It is great to have young cats in the house again to spark up the three oldsters, one being feline, in our house.


Le Norreys

I’ve taken a break from genealogy to ponder a short single line connected with someone who connects with someone else until they find their way into the Bulkeley/Grosvenor line, the Norreys line. I was so pleased to find, on Google Books, a 1850 article written by George Ormerod titled, “Le Noreis or Norres and its Speke Branch in Particular” in the series 1, vol. II issue of Transactions of the Historic Society of Lancashire and Cheshire. My luck, the Norreys I am researching just happen to be from Speke.

I followed Ormerod’s version, but then I ran into Steve Norris’s web page on the John Le Norreys of Speke, Lancashire. He had two additional generations, and one of the generations is different. I wrote Steve asking him why his line didn’t agree with Ormerod’s line? He wrote back telling me he had copies of deeds and documents that prove his version of the line to be true. He assured me he has been working on this information for 25 years. Nothing that he said to me has me convinced, not even the missing generation. Rather, it is his conviction that has me reconsidering Ormrod’s version. I’m also tempted to take him up on the offer of copying all his copies, at my expense, out of curiosity. That has me pondering as well. I mean . . . if I were trying to prove that my great great great grandfather was indeed my great great great grandfather so I would be accepted into the DAR, maybe. Ponder, ponder, ponder! I think I’ll put both versions on my site so others can have the same fun of pondering mixed with confusion!

Speke Hall
Speke Hall, Which May Not Have Anything To Do With le Norreys of Speke

Oh, btw, I do have the proof that my great great great great grandfathers were my great great great great grandfathers and that I could be accepted in the DAR, but I’m really not the “joiner” type of person. Plus there are just so many associations I could join, but just, which is always a big question. I joined the New England Historic and Genealogical Society, and the only reason I’ve remained a member is they make it very easy to remain a member. I used to belong to the New Mexico Genealogy Society and the NM Hispanic Genealogical Research Center, but I can’t seem to rejoin as easily as the NEHGS. I love all three, especially the New Mexican ones.

If you are interested in la Familia le Norreys, visit Steve’s site The Family of "le Norreys." He has a tremendous amount of information on his site, but sadly no references. I have a dream of him scanning all his documents and putting them up on his site to share with the world. And don’t forget to read Ormerod’s article,
Le Noreis or Norres and its Speke Branch in Particular.


And I’m still waiting for the rain . . .

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Sophie’s Pride

As I mentioned, my cat Pojaoque was given to us by a stray, feral cat who was living in the neighborhood. My husband had been watching the family dynamics of this cat and her two daughters and son for a while. When two new kittens showed up, he began to think we needed to do something before the neighborhood was over run by the kittens of this female cat and her two daughters. Of the kittens, we were only able to adopt the black cat, who is our beloved Pojaoque. We weren’t able to adopt his gray brother unfortunately, but that was basically the mama cat's choice.

clara
Clara hiding in the grass.

My husband had already been feeding the mama, her two girls and son. He had gotten them use to all going into a very large cat carrier we have. We asked out Vet about options for feral cats, and found out there is a group in Albuquerque that holds a clinic once a month on the second Sunday just for the purpose of spay and neutering feral cats. It was perfect. We didn’t want the neighborhood over run with feral cats, yet we couldn’t imagine the possibilities that might happen if the animal shelter picked them up. All we had to do was catch them all, and kept them from eating or drinking through the night before surgery.

It took my husband three tries. He had all the cats in the carrier the first time, but while he was transferring them to the other carriers he lost all but one. Our hungry strays came back nonetheless, and this time, we used a clipboard to transfer one at a time to other carriers using the clipboard as a restrain for the others to keep them inside the carrier. We had them all trapped and ready to spend the night in our living room.

Sopie and Ildy
Sophie and a Tortie Girl, The vets clipped their ears to let animal control know they were "fixed" and being watched over.

Early the next morning, a colder than usual Sunday in January, we were lined up outside the Humane Society which lends their facilities to the Spay and Neuter group. Many of us there were planning on taking back the feral cats and committing to watching over and providing for them. For the next three nights, our living room was our feral cat’s recovery room. I almost hated to let them go, except that we desperately needed to clean the carriers out, not to forget what the carriers were beginning to smell like after three days of feral cat pooping and peeing.

We’ve been taking care of them since. They hang out in our yard, sleep on our front porch, and greet us when we come home after work. They trust us as far as feral cats will trust anyone. There are times that we will be outside sitting on our porch, and the ferals will come out of hiding to join us. They won’t let us too near to them, but they know we will give them food and fresh water. I talk to them all the time, and sometimes Clara or Idly will meow back at me. Oh yes, they all have names.

Nambe
Nambe, Pojaoque’s brother

We named our black kitten Pojaoque in honor of one of our cats that had recently died named Tesuque. Tesuque had been one of the all time great cats, and Pojaoque was a pretty amazing kitten. Pojaoque is the sister Pueblo of Tesuque. These Pueblos are the Native People living north of Santa Fe, New Mexico long before the Spanish arrived. I carry some of the ancestry of the Northern and Southern Pueblos, and I grew up near these two Pueblos.

We decided we needed to give the feral cats related to our Pojaoque names of other northern New Mexico Pueblos. So Pojaoque’s brother, the gray kitten, became Nambe. His older gray brother, who really more closely resembles Pojaoque, became Juan after San Jan Pueblo. Their two Tortie sisters are Ildy, after San Ildefonso Pueblo, and Clara after Santa Clara Pueblo. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we named the mama cat Sophie because she seemed to make a choice of giving us Pojaoque, while she refused to let us have Nambe. Of course Sophie came from the movie titled Sophie’s Choice.

In the last six months we’ve watched the family dynamics change greatly. At first they were a very tight-knit group. Something happened just recently to change this. The two Tortie sisters, Ildy and Clara, disappeared for eleven days. The night before they disappeared, I heard cats fighting so I went out to make sure they were alright, but there were no cats in sight.

Sophie
Sophie

Shortly after the Tortie girls were back, I heard another cat fight and went out to check again. This time I saw Sophie run out of the bushes and across the street. The two Torties are almost always together. Usually Juan and Nambe are together, and Sophie is often alone. While the Tortie girls were gone, Sophie was always with Nambe and Juan. There are time, like before, when they all gather around the food eating together as a family, but now it seems like they have an understanding that they will take turns.


Something was unsettled in the feral kitty world, but I think in time it will all settle. They may no longer be Sophie’s pride, but we have promised to feed, care for and shelter all of them for the rest of their or our lives.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Candidates for Democratic Presidential Nominee & Starting a New School Year

If you are as interested as I am in knowing politician's views and votes, I have a good site for you. The site is called OnTheIssues, Every Political Leader on Every Issue , and the Speculation about the 2008 Presidential Race. You can also take a Quiz to find out which candidate best represents your views both in what they've said and how they have voted. I took the Quiz and Dennis Kucinich was the candidate I matched, of course since we are both very liberal in our political beliefs. One of my favorites, John Edwards was listed below the next three candidates, Dodd, Clinton and Obama. I guess my reaction to Edwards is that his whole candidacy has been about pulling up the poor and fighting the power structure dominated by the rich, plus his stance on not taking money from the lobbyists, like the drug, oil, auto, etc lobbyists or companies. Obama, Dodd and Kuncinich also fall in the category of those who do not take money from these companies.

I started out wanting Hilary Clinton to win, but when I found out just who she takes money from, I was totally turned off by her. The things she says and often the way she votes matches much of my own political leanings. Her earlier votes aren't always beholden to the money she has taken for her campaign. I'm really puzzled that Rupert Murdock has given her money, and to no other Democrat Candidate. This makes me feel really uneasy about Hilary. Murdock is the “soul” behind ultra-Brush supporter and biggest on the air liar, FOX news. He has a lot to do with why the 2000 election was first called for Bush and with all the media cheer leading for Bush. I don't want my president to ever be beholding to Murdock.

In the last primary vote, I voted for Kucinich. I agree with him on most things, but I have to admit that I've been turned off by his marriage to a very young woman who is easily forty or more years younger than he. I'm sure most men think this is great, but as a middle school teacher who always wants to protect her beautiful thirteen year old female students from all the leering middle-aged men I see in their cars around the campus, I feel deeply offended by this age difference. I know it shouldn't matter, but I can't help my feelings. Also, I know that Kucinich can't win. I may vote for him in the primary, but I doubt that he will be the person on the final Democratic ticket.

I haven't always agreed with my Governor, Bill Richardson, but I still respect him and am conflicted about supporting him or not as a presidential candidate. I am glad he is our governor, and have liked much of what he has done in my home state. There is plenty I have disagreed with him. I don't agree with everything he has said about what his presidential policies would be, but then, I doubt my perfect candidate would every be elected as president anyway since I'm so liberal. The quiz I mentioned earlier reveals that we only agree on 30% of the issues. I'd be proud to have an at least a one-half Hispanic, as I am also one-half Hispanic, as president, but the recent immigration debate has shown just how prejudice this country is towards brown faces. Also the press has been largely ignoring Governor Bill. In actuality, Bill Richardson has the most experience, and he is already proven himself to be a “mighty” negotiator with difficult countries. As many of the elections since Thomas Jefferson have shown, we don't often elect the person who has proven experience.

I'll have to look into the positions and voting records of Dodd and Obama before I can comment on them, but the quiz I took says that Dodd and I agree on 81% of the Social issue and 71% of the Economic Issues, and that Obama and I agree on 63% of the Social Issues and 71% of the Economic Issues. If anything that tells me I still need to learn more about every Democratic candidate running in the primary before I know who I'll vote for. Of course, in the final presidential election, I have learned to doubt that my vote will be counted, as I know it wasn't in the 2000 election.

Back to School for 2007-2008 School Year

I'm back at school, and after the first week of being with children, I am happy to be starting my thirty-second and one-half year of teaching. Of course the first week is our honeymoon period. Ever student is on their best behavior. I'm still in their good graces and haven't asked them to do too much, yet. The smiles on my student's face makes every day I'm there worth the hard work it takes to do my job. We also have many new and young teachers on our staff. There is a lot of very positive energy and enthusiasm which I know will really help my school.

Every new school year is a new start with new hope. I even know that students who were difficult to work with last year, can be very different in the next. I'm often asked why I don't retire, well in what other profession can I begin a new each August, and have as much love in my life as I do with teaching. What other profession can I know that I have made a difference in some way for at least some of the people I've worked with. Also, in most other professions there are always “down times” that can be boring. There is never a boring minute in teaching.

I had a wonderful conversation with a girl in my advisory class about the death of Dulce and that of her first dog. The empathy of some 12 year old girls has delighted me over the years. Twelve year old girls often reinforce my belief that we have past lives and old or young souls. I've know too many twelve year old girls that had the grace, wisdom and presence that can only go with an old soul.

I'm still mourning the loss of Dulce, my cat that lived over twenty years. I miss waking up and finding her curled around my head on my pillow. I miss our twice daily ritual of the past 20 plus years of my stroking her soft back as she eats. I miss having her curl up in my lap, and the worst is not seeing her in the window watching and waiting for me to come home from school each day. I haven't stopped missing Tesuque, my other cat who died about one and one-half years ago. Or Polly, but the year that has passed helps. Dulce's death is so close by, and she was with me for so very long.

It is unfortunate to have had all our cats be about the same age because the loss of so many so close to each other has been devastating to us. We still have Quatro and Cassy, and we are giving them all our love. The death of their fellow cats has hit them in many aspects. They were always on the lower rung of the kitty social ladder. They were always the cats that weren't into cuddling. Quatro has always been on the edge between feral and tame, yet lately he is crawling into my lap more often. Of course never for very long, but I feel honored that he comes in the first place.

To my fellow teachers beginning school soon, remember that the love and caring you give your students will repay you time and time again. Start each year viewing every student, even those you already know too well, as perfect children. They will be more responsive to you if you do. Remind them everyday just how glad you are to be there, how much you love your subject and how much your job means to you. Show passion for your work, and tell them something unusual about your subject. Smile, smile, smile until your face knows nothing but smiling. Take the time to say something nice to as many students as you can. Thank your students for their good behavior from the first minute, and always try to be positive. Work hard to learn their names by their faces, not by where they sit, as soon as possible. I promise you this is the best way to start a new school year.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Voting Records of Congress People & A Sad Day

Early this morning my cat Dulce died. I was expecting it. I stayed up until 3 holding her and giving her love. She must have died shortly after I went to bed. Even though I was expecting it, I'm feeling very sad. She was such a great cat, and she gave me so much love for a for such a long time, for which I'm grateful. Dulce loved life, but she just couldn't hold on any longer. There will always be a emptiness without her. When my husband's cat, Polly and my Tesuque died, we decided that before we get more cats, we'd give all the love we had for them to the cats we still have. Now, the same is true. My Quatro, my homeless feral kitty and Cassy will get lots of love. You can see all the cats that have been in my life beginning with Tigre & Dulce, to Tesuque & Quato, and lastly Polly & Cassy on my website. Tigre, Dulce, Tesuque and Quatro were all strays that decided they were going to move in with me. Polly & Cassy were given to my husband as kittens by his daughter, Chamisa, to keep him company because he was separated from her mother.

So I've tried to keep my mind occupied by working on the following information which I got from Campaign for America's Future. They keeps track of how members of Congress voted on issues I'm concerned about. On their sister site TomPaine.common sense there is a satirical video that made me giggle. I'm placing it below to share with anyone who happens to pass by.



I personally feel that “big money” interests controls Congress, so I'm glad the information included just how much money donated to each person. I also am concerned with how Congress and the Executive Branch of our government has dealt with the aftermath of Katrina. The Executive Branch refused help that was offered in lieu of giving contracts to their cronies, especially Halliburtan. The lack of humanity of the present government is at an all time high. This government has been all about serving a small group of their business cronies, and has stopped serving the interest of the people.

I copied some of the information to write about here. I have the data for New México's Congressional members, and for those folks in Congress who are running for President. I have not decided who I'm voting for in our state caucus, so I'm looking how candidates voted instead of just listening what they say. It takes time to figure out how our Congress people vote, but if we want to make our country a country were people are more important than more profits for the greedy, it is worth it.

I apologize for the terrible formatting.  What I put in an OpenOffice document didn't transfer well.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES - OIL
1. Reduce federal government use of foreign oil
2. Promote renewable electricity sources
3. Invest in renewable fuel technology
4. Collect royalties for private drilling on federal land in Gulf of Mexico
5. Prohibit gas price gouging
6. Prosecute companies engaged in gas price gouging
7. Vote Scorecard
8. Big Oil Total Contributions

                                 1  2  3 4  5  6       7         8
Wilson     NM   R  N N N N N N     0%     $71,050
Pearce     NM   R  N N N N N N     0%     $77,750
Udall        NM  D   Y Y  Y Y  Y Y   100%            $0
Kucinich OH   D   Y Y  Y Y  Y Y   100%     $2,250

SENATE
1. Reduce foreign oil imports
2. Promote renewable electricity sources
3. Impose obstacles to wind power production
4. Close tax loopholes for oil company drilling costs
5. Make energy price gouging a federal crime
6. Create a household tax credit funded by a temporary tax on oil company profits
7. Create a consumer petroleum tax credit funded by a temporary tax on oil company profits
8. Vote Scorecard
9. Big Oil Total Contributions

                                 1  2   3  4  5   6   7       8      9
Dodd          CT   D   Y Y  N  Y  Y   Y  Y  100%  $ 1,000
Biden         DE   D  Y  Y  N  Y  Y  N  Y    83%  $ 7,300
Obama       IL    D  Y  Y  N  Y  Y  Y  Y  100%  $ 9,000
Bingaman NM  D  Y  Y  N N  Y  N  N   50%  $12,250
Domenici  NM  R N  N  Y N   N N  N     0%  $52,500
Clinton,     NY   D  Y  Y  N  Y  Y  Y  Y 100%   $ 5,300

SENATE – WAR PROFITEERS
1. Limit contractor activities
2.S.A. 24762
3.Halliburton/KBR
4.TITAN
5.Bechtel
6.Parsons
7.CACI
8.Blackwater
                                 1        2
BingamanNM D  NV    Y (5)$6,000   (6)$1,000
Domenici NM R  N      N (3)$1,250 (5)$6,000 (6)$3,000
Clinton     NY  D  Y       Y (5)$250 (6)$2,000 (7)$100
Obama      IL   D   N/A  Y
Edwards   NC D   NV    N/A
Dodd         CT D   Y       Y  (3)$1,000
Biden        DE D   Y       Y



HOUSE – WAR PROFITEERS
1.Stop paying excessive unreasonable costs
2.Halliburton/KBR
3.TITAN
4.Bechtel
5.Parsons
6.CACI
7.Blackwater
                                   1
Pearce       NM  R    N  (2)$4,000  (5)$1,000
Udall         NM  D    Y  (5)$1,000
Wilson      NM  R    Y   (2)$6,000  (3)$5,000  (4)$13,250 (5)$2,000
Kucinich   OH  D    Y



KATRINA
1 Protect Wages for Katrina Relief Workers
2 Help Small Businesses Obtain Loans to Rebuild
3 Extend Emergency Hotel Stays for Katrina Survivors
4 Repair Voting Machines Damaged by Katrina
                                    1   2    3    4
Pearce      NM   R    N  N   N   N
Udall        NM   D    Y   Y   Y    Y
Wilson     NM   R    N  N   N   N
Kucinich  OH   D    Y   Y   Y   Y

Thursday, August 2, 2007

My Cat Dulce





Twenty years ago, a pretty calico cat came into my yard. She was very shy, but with “sweet talk” she came over close enough for me to pet her a bit. Within the next few weeks, she showed up at my door and window meowing loudly and shaking her beautiful fluffy tail. I noticed that the people who had lived in the house where I had seen her had moved out, and poor thing was coming to the person in the neighborhood who had shown her affection. I put a bowl of food out on the porch and sat a few feet away so as not to scare her. She ate a bit, then ran over to me to get affection. She was starved for both, so I moved over and gave her both at once. For the past twenty years, we replay the beginning of our relationship when I feed her.

Dulce was never very trusting or fond of people, especially men. It took my ex-significant other, Bob, years of sweet talk before she would let him near her. For the most part, I was the only person she wanted, and at times she didn't even want me. She has long been a loner cat. It took my husband even more years to get Dulce to trust him than it did Bob. These days she will let him pick her up, which was something no one could do in the years past. When people were visiting or working on our house, she hid. In fact hiding became a fine art for Dulce.

For years I could never figure out where she went every time the cat carrier came out, until one day I captured a glimpse of her jumping into one of the drawers under my water bed. I looked in the drawer, and there was no Dulce. She managed to squeeze between the drawer's edges and the empty space under the water bed where she was untouchable. Now these drawers stay closed. That doesn't mean that there are times when I absolutely can not find her, but she isn't hiding under the water bed anymore.

If there was an IQ test for cats, Dulce would easily be considered a genius of cats. She could figure out how to open cabinet doors so she could hide inside. I would open a kitchen cabinet that was about face level and find my sweet girl inside. When my husband and I married, I had three cats, Dulce being the oldest of the group, and my husband had two. I always kept my cats inside, but inside the house didn't seem a large enough space for five cats. Most of my back yard is surrounded by buildings, except for one side with a wooden fence, and a gate on the other side between the house and garage. We put wire fencing as high as the house above the fence.

All the cats were safe in the back yard, and we left the door open in the back building to give them even more space. Dulce figured out how to get out in less than a week. And she left just enough Dulce fuzz to make sure we'd know that we weren't going to fence her in. Jim would alter the fencing. Shortly after, there was new Dulce fuzz. Jim gave up trying to keep her inside, and Dulce lost interest in getting out.

By the way, Dulce means sweet, often sweet to the taste, in Spanish. I named her Dulce because she was from the first moment we met, the sweetest being I'd ever known. I know she must have an old soul, because she has that “knowing nature.” There have been many mornings when I've woken with feelings of love and happiness, and I've found she has wrapped her body around my head on my pillow. She has gotten me up for work when I didn't correctly set the alarm clock. She has been such a bright spot in my life for the past couple of decades.

It has been over twenty years since Dulce claimed my home and myself as her own. My 2007 summer has been the summer of Dulce. I have been her dutiful servant and friend. Up until recently, she still climbed to the highest bookshelf. Now she has been spending a lot of time rolled up in a ball in my lap or under my computer desk. She is so frail and thin. I wasn't sure she would make it through the entire summer, but she has. She is deaf and almost blind. It has been difficult for her, but she now lets Jim and I help her more than it is her nature as an independent kitty.

I won't be able to talk about her after she dies. I can still barely talk about my dear Tesuque, even a year after he has passed on. I want to praise her now while she is with me. This summer has truly been the summer of Dulce. I have found that because I take care of her, even washing her, cleaning up after her and mincing her food to point where she can easily eat it, I love her more than ever. One day I couldn't find her, and I felt the rush of pain over her lose that I believed I was prepared for, but in reality am not. I've lost so many loved ones in my life, I believe I'm always prepared for it. I've become very philosophical about it, but in my life the only beings that have been constant were my cats. No human has lived with me for twenty years.